To Catch a Thief
by 2l8k
Summary: When things start going missing round camp, General Seth sets a trap to catch the culprit. *Warning contains spanking*


**Warning warning spanking of a Colm about to take place. Don't like? Weeeeeell the simplest solution is usually not to read ;)**

**Today you find me slightly restless and not sure what to do... so I thought I'd resort to my favourite hobby of attacking the pretty little theives you find in Fire Emblem :D Colm's turn today, who knows who's turn it will be next time I get restless... though these thieves are certainly getting harder to catch in my old age :/ Do hope you all enjoy :)**

**Disclaimer: None of the Fire Emblems or their multitude of bishies belong to me... this is a very sad state of affairs and one I find myself unable to change. Buuut if anyone wants to send a dollar or a billion my way, maybe we can go about changing this somewhat :D**

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><p>It had started with Eirika's bracelet and a foolhardy attempt to single-handedly storm a bandit's base. From then on, Seth knew the young thief would be trouble and he kept a very close eye on him. This turned out to be a very good thing.<p>

Soon, little objects started going missing around the camp. There was never much taken at any one time but it quickly began to add up. Seth was quick to put two and two together but he refused to act without proof. He hated the thought of punishing an innocent simply because he refused to give him a chance. No, he decided to catch Colm in the act.

The young General quickly set the trap using a Red Gem an admirer had given him as that bait. He announced loudly that he would be taking the second, later watch, one that would enable the thief to work under the supposed safety of darkness. What the culprit wouldn't realise, however, was that he had arranged with Garcia to double his shift up, not mentioning his real reason why. The trap was set. Now it just had to be sprung.

It took longer that Seth expected for the young thief to come sneaking along. It was nearing the end of his 'watch' and he was beginning to think that nothing would happen. It was then that his sharp ears detected the faintest of rustlings coming from inside his tent. The culprit had managed to sneak in without him seeing! Criminal or not, the young man was good at what he did!

"See anything you like?" he asked as he blocked the exit and regarded the dark figure inside.

"Ah... G-General S-Seth. Didn't see you there. Oh, is this your tent? I must be lost... Went out to the loo... Uh... You know where my tent is?" Colm asked weakly.

"Oh? So my Red Gem just fell into your hand?"

"Uh... Yes!" Colm replied, hurriedly placing it back into Seth's saddlebag. "Uh... I... Tripped?"

"Surely you can come up with better excuses than that, Colm. At least try to pretend to sleepwalk," Seth told him, wearily. He had dealt with many miscreants in his time. If they were going to try and fool him, they could at least do it well.

"Ah! Yes! I was... Doing that," Colm lied, flashing a slight smile, which Seth could only just make out in the gloom.

"You will return everything you have stolen."

"...I may have misplaced a few things... Um... Gladly give them back," Colm assured, trying to duck past Seth and make his escape.

"Not so fast," Seth told him, grabbing his arm by the wrist and twisting it painfully behind the thief's back.

"Ouch! Hey, I'm delicate!"

He was alarmed as Seth suddenly sat down and pulled him unceremoniously over his lap. Instantly, he started to struggle, although he didn't dare make a sound.

"Don't make such a fuss, Colm. The usual penalty for stealing in many countries is to remove the perpetrator's hand," Seth informed him idly, as he removed the boy's thick blue cloak.

"Wh-What-" Colm began before freezing as Seth's hands started undoing his trousers. "Ah! What are you-"

"I've decided not to class your efforts as burglary. They are far more like a boy trying to create mischief," Seth continued, pulling his lower clothes down far too easily. Colm flushed, glad for the dark that mostly hid his exposed flesh from the General's sight.

"But... I'm too old for a boy's punishment!" Colm protested. Seth shrugged and reached for his sword.

"Yes, on second thoughts, I agree. This will probably hurt."

"I mean, I am still very young, just a boy, all mischief!" Colm very quickly corrected. Seth put his sword back down.

"Are you sure?" he asked. "It's very hard to tell with a man your age."

"S-Sure," Colm agreed unhappily. He bit back a yelp as the General's hard hand connected with his rear.

"Now we have that sorted out, we can focus on your behaviour," Seth continued, taking on a far more authoritative voice. Colm was quickly beginning to decide that Seth was a very scary person, one who tricked everyone with that deceptively nice, loyal exterior.

"Yowch!" Colm cried as Seth whacked him again, unexpectedly. "Isn't this just teaching me to solve my problems using violence?"

"No," Seth replied, slapping him twice in quick succession. "It's teaching you that I am going to solve your problems using violence."

"This is child abuse!"

"I think we've already established that you are not a child," Seth replied, still sounding far too calm as he continued to spank Colm.

"W-Well it's Colm abuse! That's even worse!" the bluenette protested unhappily.

"I think the world can cope... As long as it teaches you how wrong stealing from other people – your own allies – is wrong."

"I was borrowing," Colm cut in, kicking his legs. "Not so hard! Stop it!"

"You still don't seem to gather that this is a punishment for your misdeeds," Seth responded with a sigh, merely speeding up the pace. To be fair, the thief hadn't truly tried to struggle yet. Perhaps the threat with the sword had helped dissuade him.

Colm tried to remain silent for the next round of blows, hoping that would please the General somewhat. Seth was far stronger than he looked. A few probing wriggles had tested that. Even the slightest movement drew his attention, and he was constantly shifting his grip to stop the slippery thief escaping.

"What is Neimi going to think about this, Colm?" Seth asked him, although he didn't let up, making it harder for Colm to concentrate.

"Ow! Stop bully! Ow! ...Listen, she won't care, okay! She's too into that stupid monk guy. Just 'cos he helped her find some stupid mir- Ow! She doesn't even cry around me anymore, she always just goes to him."

"Artur was the first one who reported his items stolen," Seth remarked, still not letting up. He seemed to be getting somewhere with the lad.

"He shouldn't be so prissy," Colm muttered sulkily.

"Moulder and Lute were next," Seth added. Both had connections to a certain monk.

"They had weird stuff," Colm added, before yelping as he was spanked even harder by the brute of a General.

"Their possessions are not for you to scoff at or steal," he reprimanded.

"Well they shouldn't leave them lying around then. Just careless if you ask me. I was only keeping them safe," Colm reasoned. Seth sighed. Back to square one and the boy's bottom was already bright red, not to mention his hand was sore.

"They left them in their bags in their tents," he pointed out.

"Where any sleazebag could've got 'em. They really should thank – OW! Evil!"

"So you really are just a common criminal. You're not just a boy lashing out? After all, you are now having to share your childhood friend..."

"Hey! Don't imply things!" Colm protested. "Yow! Power abuse!"

"I don't mind how you sort your life out, but you will stop stealing. I did this in private using only my bare hand in an attempt to reason with you. Next time it won't be private and it won't be just my hand. Get your act together, Colm," Seth warned, delivering one last hard blow. "And return everything that you have stolen."

He released the thief, who replaced his clothes, cloak and all, in an instant. He was clearly trying to pretend that it didn't hurt at all. Seth gingerly applied a vulnerary to his own hand as Colm zoomed off. The General shot up as he heard someone scream.

"Neimi! Geez, it's only me," Colm's voice could be heard. A girl burst into snivelling sobs.

"C-C-Colm! I th-thought y-you'd run aw-w-waaaay!"

"Neimi, you're snotting all over me. Quit crushing me!"

"D-Don't leave m-m-me ag-gaaaain!"

"All I did was... Toilet stuff. You're such a worrywart... And a snotty crybaby!"

"You're s-so mean!"

"...C'mon... Oh stop crying. Hey, you're freezing! ...Take this..."

"It's n-n-not that cold..."

"Don't be wet," Colm could be heard saying as the voices grew fainter. Seth lay down on his sleeping bag with a smile. He doubted there would be any more incidents from now on.

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><p><em>AN: Weeeeell I hope you all enjoyed that. I'm gonna be bouncing off the walls now and trying to catch me a Saleh. So he's not a thief... doesn't mean he's not very pretty :D 2L8K, signing out!<em>


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